Walking away from what no longer serves

What a year 2020 has been hey? It’s been a very big year of reflection and introspection – if you think of that saying “2020 vision”, this year certainly has made us look at things from a different perspective!

From a broader societal perspective, we have observed how dependent we are upon our financial system, we have seen the loss of many many jobs but also the rise in “compassionate politics” to a point, we have seen how it is dangerous to put all of our eggs in one basket in terms of manufacturing and our export business, and on an individual perspective, we have seen exactly how resilient we can be and we’ve seen the importance of getting together as a community and supporting each other.

For me personally, 2020 has been a BIG BIG year for me to reflect on myself. Who I thought I was, who I am, and who I want to be. This year has been HUGE in terms of changes – consolidating locations of where I work, getting engaged, buying a car and getting pregnant. However, the biggest change and challenge this year has been the unravelling of my family unit… and it unraveled because I realised who I was and decided not to hide behind it anymore.

I won’t go into too many details here, but as we go into the “festive” season, it’s brought to light to me that I would rather spend my time and energy with people who I appreciate, respect and care about and who reciprocate those feelings, and to walk away from those who treat me in a way in which I refuse to be treated.

Being a person who is quite sensitive to energies, it is really easy for me to tell and feel when a lot of judgement and disgust (for want of a better word) is being sent my way. Whilst in most instances, I am able to see the higher perspective and understand why people are acting in that way, it’s still difficult to manage  sometimes when it comes from those who you love. For me, each time I know I will be in the presence of these people, I get a real sense of dread – I know I can’t just be me and I feel like I have to curl up into the box that I had placed myself in years ago but now is too small for me as I’ve outgrown it – it is not a pleasant feeling.

What I’ve come to realise is that the only person who can make me happy is me. This means that I am the one who needs to set firm boundaries around how I will be treated, and how I will not be treated. Whilst it is painful in a way to even contemplate the idea of walking away or not attending certain social events because it has been my way of life for the last 37 years, I have made the decision that I will not attend those events… for the sake of my own emotional health, and quite frankly, the health of my unborn child. I will not be sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of just an “appearance” or “showing face” amongst others – it really isn’t worth it.

So my advice to you is that if you are placed in a similar situation to the above, really think about what you will get out of it if you attend. If the negatives far outweigh the positives, then seriously consider not going. Yes there might be some backlash from others around the decision, but at least you know that you will be a much happier and healthier person for doing it. At the end of the day, if you can’t stand up for yourself and what you want, who will?

On that note, I wish you all blessings, joy and happiness over Christmas and New Years and may you all continue to be true to yourselves and live the life you want to live with no regrets!