Who’s really running your life? You the adult, or you the child?

Did you know that your subconscious mind controls over 90% of your behavior as opposed to your conscious mind? And following on from this, did you know that many of the experiences that you went through as a child can still influence your behaviour right now as an adult and you have NO IDEA that it is actually the little child in you that is acting out as opposed to your rational adult self?

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On my recent shamanic training that I completed, it was very clear that the little child in all of us needs a bit of attention. There may have been some situations that as a child may have been quite traumatic for us but as an adult looking back, we don’t think much of it (or don’t WANT to think much of it).

For example, my father abandoned me when I was 4 years old outside of preschool because I admitted to him that I didn’t eat my packed lunch (he actually drove off and left me there crying). He eventually came back and took me home after about 10 mins or so. Another example was when I was 7-8 years old – I was entered into an Eisteddfod (I played piano). I remember walking out onto a HUGE stage and just seeing black but knowing that people were out there about to listen to me as I could hear the ruffling of papers and the occasional cough. I sat down on my stool and placed my fingers on the keyboard and then I blanked out. I had to play the piece from memory and I was so scared and stressed out I actually forgot how it started. I sat there in the silence, beginning to tear up, not knowing what to do, and then I remembered the piece from the halfway mark, so played it from there and finished. I remember leaving that place and instead of receiving encouragement from my dad, I got told off. That I was so bad, so terrible and was a disappointment. It hit the nail in the coffin for me because I had actually won a previous competition and so to go from there to rock bottom was hard. So as an adult, I just swept those memories as a child under the bus and forgot about it (until the child showed itself for healing in sessions that I had with my various practitioners through the later years). I mean, I lived through it right and I turned out ok so why do I need to go back to that time?

In the case of myself, now having the benefit of hindsight and the knowledge of how experiences as a child can really shape your adult behaviour, I can see how those incidents controlled my life. All I wanted to do was to please my parents and make them happy with me. So to do that, I would excel in school, I would eat all of the food placed in front of me (even if I didn’t want to), I would go to mass every Sunday and I would become a lawyer and make lots of money – because that’s what my parents wanted me to do, because, my subconscious belief was that if I didn’t, I’d get into trouble and abandoned by my parents, that they wouldn’t love me anymore. 

For me now, I’ve done a lot of work in relation to this aspect which allowed me to make those big decisions 2-3 years ago to change my career, turn my back on the church and start to work in an area that most people would refer to as “hippy territory” or call me a “nut job”. However, it’s clear to me that my parents are not very happy with these choices, and when I’m confronted by that reality and the harsh words thrown my way from them, I get upset (who wouldn’t right)? Part of me knows that I am on the absolute right track in terms of my career choice and my life purpose, but another part of me is scared to embrace it for fear of losing my parents. And that is something I have to work on every single day.

At the end of the day, every child just craves love and attention from those that they love the most, their parents. But there are times where your own parents don’t have that capacity to be able to give you what you so desperately need, and that is where you as the adult need to learn how to parent yourself as a child. It’s like you having to be there for yourself – you need to give yourself the self acceptance and love, you need to give yourself the attention that you wanted from your parents. It’s very easy for us to be able to give to and look after others isn’t it? But how many of us actually give to and look after ourselves?

It is only when you as the adult are able to look after that hurt, wounded little child from years ago and give that child what he/she has been wanting, that you will be able to notice a change in your behaviours – and when this happens, it means that the adult you has finally taken the reigns of control and can live your life in a way that is beneficial for the both of you!

If you feel that this is something that you would like to explore more, there are many professionals out there that can assist like psychologists, psychotherapists, kinesiologists, energy healers and shamans. Sometimes doing the work can be tough but the results are worth it! I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t receive that sort of healing 🙂

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