Healing the Inner Child: How Childhood Wounds Shape Adult Behavior and How to Heal

Healing the Inner Child: How Childhood Wounds Shape Our Adult Lives

Did you know that your subconscious mind controls over 90% of your behavior? That means many of the patterns you repeat as an adult — the emotional reactions, the fears, the need to please — may not be your rational adult self making choices, but rather your inner child acting out old pain.

Healing the inner child is essential work for anyone wanting to create deep and lasting change in their lives. This truth was driven home during my recent shamanic training, where we explored how much of our adult behavior is still being influenced by childhood trauma — even when we’re not conscious of it.

Let me share a few personal stories to help this land for you.

When I was just four years old, I remember my dad abandoning me outside preschool for not eating my packed lunch. He drove off, leaving me crying, and although he eventually came back, that moment etched a deep fear of rejection in me.

A few years later, I froze during a piano performance at a competition and was harshly scolded by my father afterward. From that point on, I internalized the belief that love and approval had to be earned by performing well — by being perfect.

Looking back as an adult, I used to dismiss those moments. I survived, didn’t I? But the truth is, those wounds were still driving me decades later.

I became a high-achiever, a people-pleaser. I excelled in school, went to church every Sunday, became a lawyer — all to make my parents proud. Underneath it all was a subconscious fear: If I don’t do what they want, they won’t love me. I’ll be abandoned again.

This is the power of the inner child.

Even after I made massive life changes — leaving law, choosing a spiritually aligned path, stepping into energy healing — I still carried the fear of disappointing my parents. Even now, I have to work daily to support that scared little child inside who’s afraid of being unloved or rejected.

Healing the inner child isn’t about blaming our parents. It’s about understanding that all children crave love and attention. And sometimes, even the most well-meaning parents aren’t capable of giving what a child needs emotionally.

That’s where you, the adult, come in. You become the parent your younger self never had. You learn how to:

• Speak to yourself with love and kindness

• Offer acceptance instead of judgment

• Give yourself permission to follow your own path

When you begin healing the inner child, your outer life begins to shift. You’ll notice you’re less reactive, more compassionate, more self-aware. You stop acting from fear and start choosing from love.

There are many paths to do this work: psychology, psychotherapy, kinesiology, energy healing, and shamanic work. I’ve personally benefited from a combination of these. It’s not always easy — but the transformation is worth it.

You don’t have to carry those wounds forever. The healing begins when you say: I see you. I love you. I’m here for you now.