Understanding Personal Values in Decision Making: Why Judging Others Misses the Mark

Understanding Personal Values in Decision Making: Why Judging Others Misses the Mark

When the 2018 ball-tampering controversy in cricket broke out—implicating Steve Smith, David Warner, and Cameron Bancroft—it dominated global headlines. The scandal resurfaced again around the Boxing Day test, particularly with new interviews from Steve Smith and Cameron Bancroft where they opened up about what really happened and why.

While many in the media criticized the timing and tone of these interviews, insisting they should’ve “left it in the past,” I found myself frustrated by this commentary. It seems that yet again, the broader culture—especially within Cricket Australia—fails to support its athletes on a deeper human level. Beyond the public scandal lies a far more relevant conversation: how personal values influence our decisions, even when those decisions carry serious consequences.

It’s Not Just About Cricket—It’s About Human Behaviour

Rather than asking why did they do it, many rushed to judgment. But what if, instead of only evaluating the action, we took a step back and asked: What value was this person trying to live by at the time?

In Bancroft’s case, he later revealed that one of his core values was to “fit in.” That sheds new light on his decision. If his main drive was belonging, then whether he went ahead with the act or refused to participate, he would have felt like he was betraying that value in some way.

For example:

• If he participated: “I’ll be accepted by senior players. I’ll fit in.”

• If he refused: “I’ll be left out. They won’t trust or support me.”

Either way, he was trapped in a value conflict—and this is a common human experience, not just a sports story.

What Are Personal Values, Anyway?

According to the Oxford Dictionary, values are “principles or standards of behaviour; one’s judgment of what is important in life.” They serve as our internal compass, guiding our behaviour—even when we’re not fully aware of it.

But here’s the kicker: no two people interpret a value the same way.

Take the value of “Family”, for instance:

• One person may prioritise quality time and refuse to work late.

• Another may work long hours believing financial security is the best way to honour their family.

• A third, shaped by trauma, may prioritise pleasing an abusive partner just to protect the children.

All three are living by the same core value—but expressing it very differently. And all three are valid based on the individual’s experiences and environment.

Judgement Without Understanding is Harmful

When we judge someone’s actions without understanding their internal values, we reduce a complex human experience to a simple binary: right vs wrong. This not only fails the person we’re judging but perpetuates a culture of silence and shame—especially when high-profile figures are involved.

In fact, when we hear media and public figures say things like, “they should’ve kept quiet,” the subliminal message is: Don’t share your struggles. And in a world where mental health matters more than ever, that’s a dangerous narrative.

Your Values Might Be Misaligned Without You Knowing

So, how do you know if you’re living by your values? Start by identifying them.

Dr. John DeMartini offers a great starting point—a 13-question process that helps you discover what truly drives you. I recommend revisiting this exercise at least once a year, as your values evolve over time. You can check it out here .

Once you know your values:

• You’ll better understand your own decisions

• You’ll start to identify conflicts between what you do and what you truly want

• You’ll be less likely to harshly judge others for choices you don’t understand

A Bit of Marvel Wisdom…

To illustrate this point, I can’t help but reference the Marvel Cinematic Universe (yep, big fan here). In Black Panther and Avengers: Infinity War, characters like Killmonger and Thanos were positioned as villains—but many of us found ourselves sympathising with their perspectives.

Why? Because their motivations made sense within their value systems.

It didn’t mean we agreed with their actions, but we understood why they made the choices they did. And that’s the point: Understanding doesn’t mean agreeing—but it does mean respecting the complexity of human behaviour.

Final Thoughts: Before You Judge, Ask Why

Everyone makes decisions based on their unique value system. When those decisions go public—especially in high-stakes situations like sports scandals—judgment is often swift and unforgiving.

But if we take the time to understand the “why” behind someone’s actions, we open the door to empathy, insight, and even personal growth.

So next time you catch yourself judging someone—public figure or not—pause and ask:

• What value might they have been trying to live by?

• What internal conflict were they possibly navigating?

• And could I have done the same if I were in their shoes?

Because chances are, you might’ve made the exact same decision—and understanding that is the real path to wisdom.